I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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