I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night