dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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