she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
