2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
