Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
