I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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