What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
