So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
