I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
