OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
