she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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