He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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