i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
