I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
