Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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