If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
