I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
