Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
