you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
3pm strippers are depressing
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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