How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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