I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
