while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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