can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
