It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
