Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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