You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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