I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize