im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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