meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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