Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
