dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
