Me. At least after what I've been through.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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