Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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