We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
