Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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