I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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