Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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