I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let the clothes fall where they may.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
