I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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