why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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