Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
