Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
