I could make wine with my vomit
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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