i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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