If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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