I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
