i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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