wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
