I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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