1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
