the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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