Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
