Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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