He is such a slut. More and more my type.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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