Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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