When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
