Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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