Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
