since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
