I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
