It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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