I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
