remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
