I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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