"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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