happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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