how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
