alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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