what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
