New invention idea: vibrating tampons
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
