They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
