When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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