my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
