2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
