it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
